Worry is Like a Rocking Chair

Worry is like a rocking chair; it will give you something to do,but it will not get you anywhere".

I will be the first to admit that I am a huge worrier.  I mean huge.  Trust me when I say that I can take any situation and figure out a reason or a way to worry about something that MIGHT go wrong.  My worry problem has magnified by 1000 since I had my children.  There is something about the love that a mother has for her child that can cause her mind to never rest again.  I mean this world is a scary place, and so many bad things happen daily.  Horrible events occur, and I cringe in prayer BEGGING God to never allow it to happen to my family.

I am also a worrier who likes to read blogs. While I was pregnant with Caleb I came across one to many blogs about babies who had been diagnosed with cancer.  I followed their stories, mourned with their families from my computer screen when Jesus called them home, and began to worry about my unborn child.  Let me just tell you that the what ifs really started to take effect on me.  They were causing me so much anxiety that I literally would take Caleb to the doctor for every sniffle because I did not know if it was a sign of cancer. 

I have since forced myself to steer clear of such reads. If I happen to see a prayer request with a link to the families blog, I simply pray for the family, but I do not allow myself to read into the story any further. However, today I accidentally stumbled upon a story of a family who lost their sweet baby to cancer today.  I did not allow myself to read further into the story, but the fear welled up again as I looked at the pictures of this sweet baby.  The pictures always get me.  The pictures of the happy mama and dada playing in the snow with their baby.   Their healthy looking baby.  I think the fact that people that are undiagnosed with cancer look so normal is one thing that really freaks me out.  They look so normal, so healthy, and happy, however, their is a silent killer taking over their bodies.  Yes, those "before the diagnoses" pictures get me every time.....

I have just finished a bible study called Calm My Anxious Heart, and it is amazing. It has taught me so much about God's love, and how little I actually trust in him.  Today, as the worry starts to consume my mind again I have been reflecting on this book.

"My life has been full of terrible misfortunes...most of which NEVER happened".

"Worry doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrows, it empties today of its strengths"

"Worry says I don't trust God, I don't believe in His ability to handle my child, my marriage,my health".

"We are to entrust our tomorrows to him and live just for TODAY".

"He is in the tomorrows. It is tomorrow that fills a man with dread, God is already there.  All the tomorrows of our life have to pass Him before they can get to us".

"What is your worst what if? Can I trust God with my worst What If? Would God still be God, would he still be Sovereign?  Would He still be love and goodness?"

"I ask God to give me the strength to live today, just today, to leave the fears and worries of tomorrow with Him".

(Calm my Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow)

This Bible study has rocked my heart.  I literally ache in pain for the mothers who have lost children too young, and I fear for my children as well.  God has spoken so much to me through mothers who have gone through tragedy. They still worship, they still breathe, they see that God is working good through their children's stories, and they know that this was part of his plan for their life.  They were meant to love a child, loose that child, share the child's story, and be a witness to the Lord through it. They were meant to be the only God some people see in this world, and many have come to know God through them.  I always wonder if  I could be a that strong.  I always wonder if I could praise God that high in the storm.  I know that God would hold me every step of the way, and that he would be the only one that could help me learn to live again. However, I fear that plan. I fear that God would ever allow the death of one of my children to be part of our story.  With that being said though I am slowly learning to step back, give God control of my tomorrows and realize that he would still be a loving, compassionate, amazing God even if my worst What If were to ever come true. 

I have taken the time to love a little harder on my babies today.  I have taken the time to snuggle when they cry despite my schedule, because I am so thankful for each day that I get to spend with them here on Earth. 

Please keep Paxtin's parents in your prayers as they deal with the reality of life without their sweet baby girl.

Crafting Has Begun

I am head over heels in party planning mode right now. I only have about 2 hours a day to work on party stuff, and only about 2 weeks until party day! I have been shopping, searching Pinterest like crazy, and narrowing down my ideas.  Today 2 projects finally came to completion. 

You may remember this photo from my Party Inspiration post.  It was pinned via Pinterest (of course). 

This photo did not come with a tutorial, so I racked my brains a few days on how to make it.  I went to Hobby Lobby and searched for a large M.  They did not have one quite as big as I would like, but they had one that would do the job.  The M was 2.99.  I then went to Michael's and searched their floral department. They were having a buy one get one free deal.  I bout 4 bouquets of pink roses for 4 dollars.  I will also be attaching white ribbon, but I have not added that yet. 

So List of What you Need:

• Letter or choice (Hobby Lobby wood section)
• 4 Bouquets of your choice of flower
• Hot Glue Gun
• ribbon in your color of choice

I started with my bouquet of flowers, and my plain M.

I then started pulling off petals one by one.  Flowers are super simple to disassemble just by pulling from the bottom and working your way up. I then took my hot glue gun and placed glue in the desired location.  I found that it worked best to bunch the flowers very close together. 

This is the end result. I am super happy with how it turned out. I just have to add ribbon to the back, and it will be complete. I think this will be a great wreath for the party entrance.

I also made this today via an idea on Pinterest. LOVE! It was actually super simple.

What you need

• Canvas (Hobby Lobby sells 2 for 5.99)
• Peel and Stick letters from Hobby Lobby (2.50).
• Paint
• Paintbrush

You first take your blank canvas, and place your stick on letters in the desired location.  After the letters are placed you paint the canvas and the letters. Allow the canvas to dry, and then peel the letters.  Super simple!

Random

This past weekend was great! I had Friday off work and there was a little snow on the ground, so I took advantage of having a fun day with the kids.  While Mckinlee was napping I brought bowls of snow in for Caleb to play with.  He enjoyed scooping the snow from one bowl to another, and he also enjoyed eating it. I kept telling him it was gross, but he ignored me...I can't say I blame him because snow does taste good.  After a little while playing inside with the snow was not enough for little man, so we ventured outside. It was freezing, but he had so much fun.  Once Mckinlee woke up I quickly dressed the kids and we headed to Otterville for a fun day.

Saturday Caleb and Nick played in the snow together for a long time.  Caleb was in heaven. 

Sunday we ventured to Ikea, and we spent the entire day there.  We went looking for Caleb a big boy bed, and we found one.  Until now Caleb has had the cutest little car bed, but I have ideas for how his big boy room will be decorated and they do not include a car bed. Also, we currently do not have a guest room, so I wanted to get a bed that could be used for guests as well.  We initially went looking for a twin bed, but we found a full bed at an amazing price.  We brought it home, and Nick and his dad put it together. Caleb was so excited about it! He kept saying "My bed" "Pa and dada build my bed". He loved jumping in it, and rolling all around.  I love it because I no longer have to be squeezed into a toddler bed in the middle of the night when he needs extra cuddles.

Today has been kind of blah. Little miss is sick. She started running a high fever yesterday, and has been super sleepy. I took her to the doctor today, and they tested her for everything, but nothing came back.  So, she was diagnosed with a viral infection ugh. I never want my kids to be sick, but I hate hearing it is viral because there is nothing you can do for it.  If the fever is still here on Thursday we have to return to the doctor, and have her cathed to check for a UTI. I sure hope my baby is feeling better before then.  She did gain a whole pound though! YAY! She is 16.8 lbs now...I would say give or take a few ounces because I did not strip her down to her diaper. 

My attempt to Get In Shape

So, it is a new year and along with it comes resolutions.  I generally do not make resolutions, because 9 times out of 10 I do not stick with them.  However, this year I am really trying hard to change a few things in my life for the better.

I should begin by saying that I have never been athletic, enjoyed working out, ate very healthy, or worried about my weight.  God blessed me with a small frame, and for years that has been what has carried me through.  I have worked out in the past, but never really done much else, and I always seem to work out for a little bit and then stop.  However, after having my babies I realize that even though I am still small, and within a healthy weight range, I am not in shape, I do not eat healthy, and my stomach needs some work.  Breastfeeding has been my "diet" for the past year, but now that we are nearing the end, I know I need to find another plan. 

I have joined the world of MyFitnessPal on the iphone, and I am very impressed with it.  I have never counted calories before, and I had no idea where to start. However, this app makes it super easy with its bar code scanner, and large database of food.  I am trying to stick to a 1200 calorie diet, and lucky for my breastfeeding the 3 times a day that I do automatically removes 250 calories. 

I am also jumping back into the 30 Day Shred, for like the 4th time. This time I am determined to stick with it. However, I have to admit doing the same work out for 10 days is so BORING!! However, I have been feeling the soreness, and I hope it really does work at the end of 30 days. 

I am not going to be posting a whole lot about this on my blog.  However, I did want to post about it to remember my beginning stats, and also to have a little accountability.  I know that you all could care less if I work out or not, but the fact that I wrote this post makes me feel as though I should keep it up. 

Beginning Stats:
Waist: 27 inches
Hips: 34 inches (needs serious attention)
Thighs: 20 inches
Weight: 107 lbs

Mckinlee...My Prayer for You

My sweet baby girl you are on the edge of turning one, and I am so taken back by how fast you are changing.  You have grown in the blink of an eye, and I find myself longing for the growth to stop.  However, I am also torn because I am so excited to see the person you will one day become.  I have big dreams for your life sweet baby. I pray BIG for you and your brother, and I am so excited to see the person that God makes you.  I long to hold you in my arms, and kiss and snuggle you forever, but I know that one day soon you will grow up and become an amazing woman that I will be proud to call mine.

I pray daily for you sweet baby.
I pray that God will bless you with health, safety and a long life. I pray that you will one day be a little old woman sitting in a rocking chair, proud and happy of the life that she lived.
I pray that all serious sickness will not become a part of your life or a part of anyone you loves life.  I pray that if it does that God will carry you through it, and that you will always depend on him.
I pray that you grow up with confidence and a kind heart.  I pray that you never feel anyone is better than you, and that you are always happy with the person that God created you to be.
I pray that you are kind, slow to anger, and quick to listen.  I pray that you access situations before you allow your anger to get the best of you. 
I pray that you have compassion for people. I pray that you will never become a bully or a child that makes fun of others. Your words are powerful things sweet baby, and they should never be used to hurt another. 
I pray that you will come to know God at an early age
I pray that you count your blessings on a daily basis.  I pray that you understand that even though there may be things that you want but do not have, that God has blessed you with more than you could ever need.  Always remember your blessings during those hard days of life.
I pray that you have strength through your first heartache.  It will hurt and it will hurt bad, but as the Brad Paisley song says "pain like that is fast and its rare".  I will be there to talk if you need me, I will be there for you to cry on, and I will be there to listen even if you need to repeat the same thing 100 times to me just to help you process what happened.  Always remember that your Prince Charming will one day come. 
When the heartache comes turn to God.  God teaches us the most when we are broken.  His word is powerful when you are searching for comfort. The words that you need to hear are always right there.
I pray that you love and that you love hard.  Allow yourself to get lost in that amazing feeling. Allow your self to experience the butterflies, the dances in the snow, the long talks, and the first kisses that come with your first love and all the loves after that.
I pray that even though you love hard you realize that you are a prize meant to be won over by the best Prince Charming.  You are a special special person, and you deserve to be loved, treated like a Princess, listened to, romanced, and honored. You deserve a man who will rush home to see you just because he loves you that much. You deserve a man who wants to play games, help you cook, rub your back, take you on dates, cuddle you on the couch, take care of you, fight for you, pray with you, and a man who will go out of his way to tell you that you are beautiful.  You deserve the world, and don't ever forget that. Never settle sweet baby.  Make a list of what you want in a man and stick to it.  You deserve a man of integrity, compassion, love, and of God. 
I pray that in your search for Prince Charming you honor your body. It is not yours to give away to anybody and everybody.  It is special, it is meant to be loved forever.
I pray that you will drive safely when you first get your license. I pray that God will protect you and all your passengers and will put angels around your car.
I pray that when you graduate high school that you have a direction of where you want your life to go. If you want to go to college that's great. If you want to travel the world first I will support you. Dream big and live out those dreams.
I pray that you never give into drugs and alcohol in a way that will damage your life. I pray that you have a wise mind, and understand that you can do way more without them than with them.
I pray that when you find your husband that you will have a happy, romantic marriage. 
I pray that you will one day experience motherhood, and all the beauty that it holds.  I pray for those babies that you will one day rock. I pray safety for your pregnancies, and that you never have to experience the pain of loosing a child. 
I pray that you and your husband will love God, and that you will bring your children up in his ways.
I pray that whatever obstacles in life fall in your lap that you will . He is there to hold you, he is there to love you, and he is there to help you through.
I pray that one day when I am gone you will remember these words. I pray that you will understand that I want nothing but the best for your life.  I pray big for you.  I want you to always know that I love God, I believe he is real, and I want you to know him as well. 

I love you more than life my sweet baby girl.  I am so thankful that during this moment in time you are mine to hold, and I am so excited to see the woman you will one day become.  I am your mother now, then and forever, and my love for you will never cease. 

Camping in January

Warning: Ignore picture quality. They were taken with my phone in bad lighting.

I got a little idea late Thursday night for our Friday night adventure.  All mama's with young kids realize how different weekends are now.  We generally spend at least one weekend night at home, and I like to have fun activities for those nights as much as possible.  I decided it would be great fun to "camp" in our living room that night.

I spent the entire day Friday telling Caleb that we were going to camp in a tent tonight. He of course has never seen or been in a tent, so this did not mean much to him.  My sister ran to the store that day, and she picked us up things for smores, and when dada got home our camping adventure began. 

Nick and I had purchased a 6 man tent right after we got married, and we have not used it yet. I do not think I realized how big it would be. It literally took up our entire living room.  Caleb was so excited, and he kept calling it his house. 

He loved kicking balls around it before we placed the air mattress inside. Mckinlee and Caleb both loved crawling through the tunnel, and around and around the bed.  Mckinlee loved her "11 month od style smore", but Caleb hated his. He spit the marshmallow back into the bag. Who doesn't like marshmallows? He did however, love the chocolate and kept asking for "more choc please". 

We did not end up sleeping in the tent, but it sure was a fun Friday activity.

Mckinlee 11 Months

We are here.  My baby is 11 months old. One month away from ending her infancy and entering into toddler hood.  How did this happen?  I am still taken back by the fact that this year has gone by so fast.  I guess that is the story of motherhood though.  Time is so fleeting.

Mckinlee at 11 Months

Eating: You are only nursing 2-3 times a day for maybe 5 minutes at a time.  I realize that you have basically decided that you are done.  This makes me sad, but I know that any mommy milk I can give you is good, so I will continue to nurse you 2-3 times daily until you turn a year. You are taking bottles of formula as well. You are taking formula to try to add some extra calories, and because my milk supply is basically non existent when I pump.  You are still eating 3 meals a day and you usually have 2 snacks.

Sleeping:  You are still sleeping through the night from 8:30-9.  You are taking 2 naps daily unless you wake up late. You usually nap in the morning from 10-11 and from 1-3.  You are teething right now so that has messed with a few of your naps.

Size: Still tiny. You have grown into 6-9 month sleepers due to length. You can still wear 3,6,9 month shirts. You have outgrown your size 2 shoes and are now in 3's. You are filling out a size 2 diaper now.

Speech: You are a mocking bird when it comes to noises, but you have not added any extra words this month.

Exciting New Things:

• You have your first tooth coming through right now. Bottom right.  You got your first tooth at the exact same age as Caleb.
• You are able to stand on your own a little bit longer every day.
• You love to look out our back glass door and bang and squeal.
• You jump towards dada now and love to play.
• Bath time is still your favorite, and you all but dive out of our arms to get in.
• You cling tight to me when I try to put you down.
• You arch your back and stiffen your legs if you do not want to sit.
• You signed with a modeling agency this month along with brother. We will see if anything comes of it.
• You love to climb anything and everything. Stairs are your favorite.
• You love to pass stuff back and forth. You always hand it to me and say "heeerr". I swear you are saying here. 
• You are teething hardcore.  You have been extra fussy and clingy, and you try to bite at my shoulder. Poor baby.

I love you so much my sweet baby girl.  I am going to hold you extra tight this month.

Friday FunDay

This week of getting back in the grind of real life has been a little rough.  With each day it has gotten a little better, but still a little blah.  I decided yesterday that I wanted to do something fun, and out of the house with the kiddos today, so we ventured once again to Otterville. I swear this establishment is a life saver during these long winter months (even though today was unusually gorgeous for January). 

Mornings when I know we are leaving the house are a little different than normal.  I am a mama that thrives on a schedule and in turn so do my children. However, on mornings when we are venturing out our schedule is a little more than hectic.  I make sure that both E and Mckinlee have a clean diaper and are dressed, and then I put them both down for their morning nap 30 minutes early.  I do this so they will be ready, but inevitably one always ends up pooping and I have to take time to change them before we leave.  While they are napping I rush to get myself fed, ready, bags packed and Caleb dressed.  Once all that is complete we are ready to head out. 

The boys were so excited about going to Otterville this morning. They kept talking about the choo choo's all the way there.  Once we arrived they had a blast. Train tables first, grocery store second, back to train tables, face painting, vet room etc.  They had so much fun. Caleb also decided he needed to pee potty and so I took 3 kids into public restroom by myself, only for my 2 year old to decide he no longer needed to pee potty :).  I had 3 wonderful kids for our lunch break, and Caleb even helped me drag the highchairs over.  After lunch it was ball pit and play land time and all 3 kids had a blast. I do not know what I am going to do with this 11 MONTH OLD girly...she thinks she is big stuff.  She loved climbing through the play place and she definitely kept me on my toes. She even got to enjoy the ball pit for a few minutes with Caleb and E when no other kids were in there. 

I do not shoe favoritism to my daughter even though there are more pictures of her. This little flash of lightening will not hold still for a second, and this is literally the best shot of him I got.

I used to think I would never be able to make it out of the house with 2 kids, and now I look back on that and think pshh that was a piece of cake :).  I just hope people out in public do not think that all 3 kids belong to me :).