Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Life is Funny

Life is funny.  It is unpredictable, incredible, happy, sad, loving, lonely, and magical.  It has a funny way of changing at the drop of a hat, and really helps you put into perspective how little control you have over it.  God is funny.  He gave us this life, he allows us to live daily, and I am sure he laughs so hard when we make plans and truly believe we are in control. 

Mothers Day made me reflect on the fact that life has a funny way of doing a complete 180 on you at a moments notice.  Sometimes we are happy with the change, sometimes we are saddened, scared, excited etc.  However, change or not life goes on, and sometimes we realize that the change was a greater blessing than we could have ever dreamed or hoped for. 

Life changed dramatically when I became pregnant with Mckinlee.  I was reflecting on my mothers day post from last year.  It was my very first mothers day with my little man, and I was so in love and infatuated with him.  I was so thankful to be his mother, and I could never imagine myself loving anyone or anything like I did him.  Little did I know that one year from that day I would be celebrating with two babies!!! Sure, I knew that one day I would have more kids, but it was never in the plans to have them that close together.  I am sure God was laughing in the clouds when I was "planning" out my life, you know the life that is unpredictable and funny? 

I have to admit when I found out I was pregnant with Mckinlee I was not excited.  In fact, I prayed hard to God through tears to help me feel the joy, and not just look at the negatives of the situation.  I had a 10 month old baby, I had just started to feel normal again, and I was pregnant.  I struggled for weeks with feelings of "how are we going to..", "will I love "it" the same"....., "Am I failing Caleb"....etc.  In fact, I did not bond automatically with my little bundle the way I did with Caleb.  I was scared, I was confused, after all, "it" was not in the "plans" yet.  I have never mentioned on the blog that I thought one day early in the pregnancy that I was miscarrying.  I started spotting (which I never did with Caleb), and I called the doctor.  They basically said to rest and just wait and see.  That scary, horrible situation actually had a funny way of connecting me with my unborn child.  At that moment I was in love.  I sat in the nursery rocker and rocked Caleb, while crying, and begging God to keep my new bundle safe.  I prayed that I would be given the privilege to be her mother, and that the spotting would stop.  Thankfully, God heard my prayers, Mckinlee stayed safe within my womb, and she is now my precious bundle of joy.  It is funny how God had to use a bad situation in my life to truly teach me and allow me to love this "unplanned pregnancy".  Through the fear of miscarriage, I realized that my plans meant nothing in the wide range of life.  I was not in control, and I obviously did not understand what was best for my life. 

God taught me that life will not always go the way I planned, and sometimes I will be upset, or I will not understand why.  However, some of the biggest surprises in life are blessings in disguise

So in reflection of this past mothers day (in which I have no pictures), I am truly thankful.  I am thankful for the funny twist of events over this past year.  I am thankful for TWO blessings from God, who I love more than words can describe. I am thankful to look into the eyes of my special little ones, and know that I am truly lucky to be their mother.  I wouldn't want my life to be any other way. 

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future" Jer. 29:11

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