I understand that many people will give you a hard time. You will hear responses like "don't you know what causes this", "have you never heard of birth control", "good luck with this one" etc. I know how bad that can hurt, and how much damage those little phrases can do. I understand that in the comfort of your own home you second guess yourself constantly. "Why weren't we more careful?", "Can I really handle this", "Will I love another baby as much as I do my first child", "Will my first baby be jealous, or feel unloved".
I understand the emotions of the pregnancy. I remember sitting in the floor holding my 10 month old and crying in fear of the unknown. This was not the plan...this was not suppose to happen yet......OMG what am I going to do??
I understand how hard it is to entertain your toddler with your left hand while you are holding your hair and puking with your right hand due to morning sickness. I understand the guilt you will feel as a mom because you are too sick to play with your baby. I get it.
I also understand the happiness that will come over your body the first time you hear that little heartbeat....the first ultrasound you have that shows you your sweet new bundle. That is when the love of mother starts to outweigh all the fears, and judgemental comments and love begins to grow in your heart.
After that first experience of seeing your baby, you feel a little more excited. Once you find out the sex, name the baby and start nesting it becomes more and more real, and you begin to think "Hey I can do this". You may forget to read your what to expect book, or even how many weeks you are, but you are making it through.
I understand the intense emotions you will feel those last few weeks of pregnancy. The guilt. The mommy emotions of literally wanting to hold your baby and never let go. The sadness of the lasts with just your first born. I get it. I remember spending many a night holding Caleb and crying due to all the emotions and love I had within. I understand that torn feeling...you want so bad to see your new baby, to no longer be pregnant, but wanting to hold out for just one more day.
I understand the feelings of fear you will have when you go into labor. "What if something happens to me and I am no longer here for my first born". "Am I really ready for this" "What if...what if...what if.". I get it.
I understand the feeling of joy that will once again come over you when your new bundle arrives. The immediate love that you will once again feel. How your heart will feel complete, and you will question how you ever feared this day.
I understand how excited you will feel when your first born comes to meet your baby for the first time. You will be so filled with love that you feel as though your heart could literally explode. I get it. It is amazing. Take that first in. Hold you first born extra tight, and tell them what a good sibling they are. Snuggle that baby every free moment you have in the hospital because that will be one of the only times you will be alone with just him/her.
I understand the fear that creeps back in when you first arrive home and you and your husband realize that "Wow we really have 2 kids". I get how hard it is to tell your first born to hang on while you are feeding to baby, when all they want you to do is hold them too. I get it. I understand the tears you will shed over this. I understand that your first born is still a baby, and that it is so hard to make your baby wait. I understand the sleepless nights, and the days where you literally feel as though you will fall over from exhaustion. I understand the mommy guilt that will once again creep in because you can not play with your first born the way you want to. You will feel guilty because you can not watch every face your newborn has to make. You will feel guilty because you can not be in 2 places at once.
I understand how hard it is to get out of the house. I get that as soon as you get one ready, the other one blows out of their diaper, you change them, get yourself ready, grab the keys, and then the baby starts screaming to eat. I get it. You will be late to everything in the beginning and it is OK.
I also understand how with time each day gets easier. You really start to get into the groove of your new life. You are able to start playing with your toddler, your baby starts sleeping through the night, and life starts to feel "normal" again.
I understand the the bond that your children will have. They literally know nothing other than having each other and it is amazing. I understand the love that you will feel because of this. I get that you will start to understand that what once appeared to be "so not your plan" is now the "only life you would ever dream to have".
To the moms or soon to be moms of 2 under 2...
- it is not a cake walk
- you will have various emotions
- there will be days when you think you will not make it until bedtime
- Your heart will be filled with more love than you could have ever dared to dream.
- Remember "God works all things together for the good for those who love Him and who are called according to his purpose".