Monday, March 18, 2013

REAL Life.....

First of all, I saw this sweet thing on Facebook the other day, and I loved it. I had to share so I can always remember it.

For all Mothers 
(including soon to be Mothers) 

We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family." "We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.

"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."

But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes.

I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her.

That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mum!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moments hesitation.

I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her
baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming
children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.

However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself.

That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.

My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks.

I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child.

I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike.

I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time.

I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.

Please share this with a Mum that you know or all of your girlfriends who may someday be Mums. May you always have in your arms the one who is in your heart.

By Dale Hanson Bourke
'Chicken soup for the woman's soul'!

Isn't it great?  Any who, today's post is not going to be filled with lots of cute pics of the kids (because I have not taken any good ones in over a week), and it will not be filled with great kid activities that I have found (because we have not participated in activities in over a week).  However, I am just going to be real today.  Often times on this blog I monitor or don't write about things pressing on me because I want to appear to have it all together I guess, you know for all the people reading.  However, the truth is, I don't, nor will I ever, and life right now is just a little slumpy....(is that a word?).  So, once again I am going to vent today, write down my feelings, and if you do not want to read into a personal pity party/soul searching post....stop reading now (you have been warned).

Life right now is really heavy.  I feel as though every day I awake to a new "issue" that seems we will never get through.  Finances have been hard, like super hard lately.  Our entire goal in moving into my in laws was to pay off some debt quick, and move into our dream house. However, here we are almost 6 months later, and we have only scratched the surface of paying off our debt, and we are no where close to finding our dream home.  It seems as though every time we take a step a head financially we take 6 steps back due to "issues" that arise.  Seriously the craziest things have happened financially, and it just makes me want to cry.  Debt is so annoying.  I hate being punished 10 years later for stupid mistakes that I made when I was fresh out of high school.  My husband is also self employed so that brings a lot of obstacles in and of itself.  Needless to say I am over it.  I am over debt, I am over inconsistency, and I am over basically everything that goes with it!!!! I vow that my children will fully understand money before they leave the house! There is no robbing Peter to pay Paul, and credit cards that will be a part of their future if I can help it!!

With the financial strain I find myself at a crossroads as well.  I feel as though my event planning company needs to be pushed to the back burner because it is new, and not making much of an income as of yet.  It is too stressful for me right now to put the time and the effort into growing it when I have stress from other situations weighing on me.  I have really been struggling with where to go with it lately.  I feel as though maybe I rushed into it....maybe now is not the right time...maybe I need to just focus on my kids.  I just feel pulled in various directions right now, and I do not know what to do.  So right now my plan with it is to "let go and let God".  I did bridal shows, my information is out there, and I feel as though God will open the doors if they are meant to be opened.  If not, then I will take it as the answer and will move on from there.

In terms of working right now I am going back to serving.  We need some extra income, and it is simple money.  I can still be with my kids during the day which is super important to me, and then I can work 3 nights a week to pull in some income.  My goal is 700 dollars a month, but I am sure I can make more than that.  That will cover mine and the kids expenses, groceries and gas, which in turn will free up some money to pay off debt faster.  Do I want to start working again? No? However, I understand that it is a good decision.  I am actually training 3 nights this week, and then I should move onto serving hopefully by next week.

I also just got over a touch of the flu this past week, which really made my stress so much better.....

I am trying to rest on these promises throughout all the hard days right now..

"I know that God works all things together for the good for those that love him and that are called according to his purpose" Romans 8:28

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans of hope and a future" Jer. 29:11

"Cast all your cares on him because he cares for you" 1 Peter 5:7

Prayers right now are for direction, new doors to be opened, and patience in the valley.

"God's silence offers us the choice- faith or sight. We can either abandon our faith or learn to trust in the dark. God leaves that choice up t us. And all the while he's more interested in our faith in Him than our ability to decipher in the silence."



The Rogers Family said...

Hang in there! I feel the same way! It takes time... And do not feel bad about working- I work a few days a week while my son is at mdo to help with bills- keep your chin up!

Tammy said...

Aw girl...things will get better. You are an amazing Mama and doing everything you can for your family, just know that. It will all just take time... I know from experience - it seemed to take forever to get my act together, but I think that's part of the lesson.

Elizabeth Taylor said...

I totally agree about making sure my kids understand money and debt before leaving the house..... I had a good time in college with credit cards...thinking ill get a job when I'm outta here and it will all be fine.... But then you get a whole set of other bills... So it's tough. I vowed to my husband that we would enter our marriage debt free, and we did other than school loans. We were engaged for 3 years though. But that was one of the best decisions I made..... So we had a clean slate of our bills together.... Making money decisions together... But kids add a ton of stress to money too. I quit work to stay home, so it's taken time to adjust to our new money/budget. It will all work out. It just takes time.