Patience

I am going to be 100% real and honest today, and it may not be pretty.  However, I need to vent, and I need to be real.  My patience today with the kids is SHOT.  Literally I am on my last string.  I hate days like that.  I hate how up and down my emotions are on hard days like this.  One hour the kids are awful, and then they calm down and I feel as though I can breathe, and then they do not nap, and my patience is gone again. Ugh.  The joys of parenting huh? The good, the bad and the ugly.  It sure is ugly today in my house.  My attitude is ugly, my house is ugly and messy, there is a construction zone in my kitchen, and it is rainy out.  Could I complain anymore....?? I mean it is kind of ironic that my last post was on praising the bad times, but a blog isn't interesting unless it is real.  I also want to be real on here so when my kids look back at this one day, they will realize that even their mama had bad days.

Mckinlee is wearing me thin right now. Girlfriend is getting brattier and brattier by the day, and I know it is time for me to step in.  She is at the age where she thinks she can get anything she wants by screaming, and it HAS to STOP!! This morning she and I had a 1 hour Super Nanny timeout battle.  I thought I was going to loose it.  It all started when I gave her Lucky Charms for breakfast, a rare treat for her. Well, she decided that it was more fun to eat all the marshmallows,  leave the rest of the cereal and then cry for More.  When I would say no, she would sling her bowl (which spilled cereal everywhere), and scream.  After 3 times I had enough.  I put her in time out, she would run and scream, I would place her back in timeout, she would scream and kick......for an HOUR!! I almost lost it!! Finally she sat.........girlfriend is strong willed!!

It is so hard for me to start disciplining Mckinlee, because I still think of her as a baby. However, half the stuff she pulls would not have happened when Caleb was her age, and I know that I have to start disciplining hard core.  She needs boundaries, she needs rules, and I have to start following through. This process is so tiring and tests my patience so much.  I just have to remind myself that it is for her good, and mine one day.

We were able to break away from the awful morning and enjoy a fun lunch with the Pickett's. We then headed to gymnastics open gym, and the kids had a blast playing.  I praise God for the good moments in the midst of hard days.  I will be praying hard for patience in parenting, and hopefully it will get better.

"surfing"

Praising

Today has been a good day.  A really good day.  I am so thankful for that.  The past few weeks have brought about a lot of small storms that have caused me to have an inward pity party.  I hate when I do that. I hate when I focus on what is not going right instead of the blessings that are all around me.  I am working so hard on not doing that.  I get so caught up on focusing on money, material things, job stresses, worry etc, and I forget to step back and realize that it will all be okay!!

Last week in bible study a lady in my small group spoke up.  She told us how her husband had passed away last year, and that before he passed away she saw that he really began to look at things from a eternal point of view instead of a earthly point.  She told us how when they were younger their focus was on money, rising in their jobs, buying material things, making sure their kids always had the best of the best etc. She said that they both focused on this so much throughout life that it consumed them.  She then went on to tell us that when he husband became really sick one night they were sitting together and he looked around and said "Why did we do this?"  She questioned him of course because she did not understand what he was asking.  He answered "Spend all this time focusing on gaining all this stuff?  We wasted so much time and none of this stuff means anything".  

That hit me.  I really am trying to start looking at this world from more of an eternal perspective, but it is so hard.  I get down because we haven't found the house we want yet, or because we do not qualify for the loan for the "dream house" I would like to have.  I get down because the kids are difficult some days, I get down because Nick has to work all the time etc.  It is so easy to focus on the "I don't haves", it is hard to be content with the "I already have".  Human nature I guess.  I already see this cycle through my children.  They are already never satisfied with what they have.  I hate that.  I want to be an example of how to me content in your current state, but I know that I am not there yet.  I am praying, and working towards this goal daily.  The fact is I have every reason to be content.  Sure I do not have the large house of my dreams yet, and money is not in abundance, but I am so blessed. My children are healthy, happy, and have more than they could ever need. I have a loving family, and husband, a roof over my head, health, and I am privileged enough to stay home with my kids.  I have zero reasons to complain, but I complain anyways....why is that?  Why are humans never satisfied?  I want to focus on the eternal, and what is really going to matter to me when I am old and gray.

• Children who I raised to love God, to trust him, and who are healthy and happy.
• A loving heart for friends and family.
• Loving God 

Those are the things that are important.  God help me to keep those in mind when my days are not always as great and easy as today was. 

This photo blessed my soul today.  Sweet Landon is in the step down unit and brother Logan was able to visit him.  

The past 2 Weeks

So life has been busy the past few weeks.  I had a large bridal show for my company a couple of weekends ago, and it literally took all of my time.  It is over now, and I am feeling like we are getting back to normal.  The bridal show was crazy busy, and we had a lot of prospective clients.  Fingers crossed that it becomes a success! If you know someone getting married this year, please send them here to learn more about the package we are promoting.

Recently we have attended 2 parties at Caleb's preschool.  The first was a pj and pizza party, and the second was his Valentines party.  He is so cute with his little friends, and I just love watching him interact.

We have been attending a local open gym at a gymnastics location near us every Wednesday.  The kids LOVE it!! Last week it randomly started snowing before we left home so afterward, the kids enjoyed having a snowball fight. Caleb was such a typical male in this picture.  We asked them to pose and as Presley was smiling he threw a snowball in her face.  Kinlee loved this as well, but would not stay put for a picture.

We have spent a lot of time with this little family lately. The kids love each other so much.

We also had a boy play date with friends yesterday.  The boys enjoyed playing super heroes and fighting off monsters while little miss preferred to sit and "talk" with the mamas.

Last weekend was my birthday and my husband surprised me with the best present ever!! He took me to dinner at Chuy's (my choice) Friday night, and then we headed to a local hotel for a relaxing staycation.  I was able to stay in bed ALL DAY Saturday, watch Pretty Little Liars on Netflix, sleep, and eat room service!! It was heavenly!!

The kids loved visiting baby Logan for the first time. I loved getting in some sweet newborn snuggles.  Please remember to keep his twin Landon in your prayers, as he is still in the hospital.

This was the last picture of Caleb with his beloved binky.  He gave it up about two weeks ago for good!

We spent Kinlee's actual birthday at the Museum. The kids had a blast as usual!

Mckinlee's Party Part 2

Mckinlee 2 Years Old

My sweet Mckinlee,

Today is your 2nd birthday.  You are already 2 whole years old.  I step back while watching you play and wonder how so much time has passed since you were born.  I swear you were just my sweet, brand new baby yesterday.  You bring me so much joy, and I hate that the years of your "babyhood" are slipping by so quickly.  I wish with everything in me that I could keep you tiny enough to sit in my lap for forever, yet I dream daily of the woman you will one day be.  Motherhood is tricky like that.  You will always be my baby, and it hurts me to watch you grow, but at the same time that growth brings me so much excitement.  It is so exciting to watch you come alive.  The real you. The you that has always been there waiting patiently to make her debut.  Gone are the sweet innocent baby days, and here are the wild, testing, hilarious toddler days.  You are so amazing, you really really are. You my sweet one could move mountains.  God gave you a spit fire personality that I am positive will take you places in this world.  You are the perfect mix of feisty and sweet.  You have a way of standing your ground, and really fighting for what you want. Though this is testing at times, I know that it is a great quality. It assures me that you will always fight for what you believe in which is so important. That quality combined with the loving heart you have is a magical combination.  You are one in a million Mckinlee, and I am so honored and proud to call you my daughter.  

Ever since I was a little girl I have dreamed of having a daughter.  You my tink, are my dream come true.  Through you I get to fulfill my life dream of being a mother to a little girl.  It brings me so much happiness to watch you slowly transition into womanhood.  I love the way you like to put on your "face" while I am doing my makeup.  I crack up at the faces you make in the background as you pretend to put on your eye makeup just like mommy.  My heart literally melts when you ask for a bow for your hair, and watching you twirl in circles when you put on a new outfit makes me smile so big my cheeks hurt.  Through you sweet baby I am experiencing a relationship that I was not fortunate enough to experience, a mother daughter one.  You are my light, and I pray that we will always be close.  I promise you that I will do everything in my power to build you up throughout life.  I will always be here for you to talk, cry with, shop with, run away with on bad days, and dream with.  I will be the person always cheering and supporting you wherever your life leads.  You my sweet girl mean so much to me. It is truly a privilege to be a mother to you and Caleb, and one that I thank God for a thousand times a day.

I know that all to soon you will be all grown up, and that before I know it I will be writing your three year post.  However, right now there are so many memories of you that I want to write in black and white so that I can always remember who you were at 2 years of age.  I do not know that my writing will do the memories justice, but it is my prayer that one day years from now, when you and I may be having a bad day,  that I can look back on this blog entry and smile and remember my sweet baby girl.  After all, you will always be my baby. My sweet, beautiful, feisty  hilarious baby girl who literally stole my heart the moment I saw you.  

Mckinlee at 2 years you wake in the morning calling for me, and when I step to your bed you bounce with excitement.  You reach up your tiny little arms and say "Mommy, I want you" (I want you is all slurred together in the cutest of toddler jabber), and as I lift you, you fall into the bend of my shoulder and rest your head.  I melt every time.  You see, no matter how many times you may have waken me the night before, or how hard the previous day was, I am always ecstatic to see you in the morning, and excited to begin my day with you.  You jabber from the moment I get you out of bed.  You literally never stop talking.  You will practice basically every word of your vocabulary in a melodic form as if you were a composer of words.  It is so cute.  I always want to remember your sweet innocence, and how you love to be naked.  It cracks us up when you have to go potty.  No matter what room you are in, when the urge hits, you drop your pants to your ankles and slowly waddle to the bathroom yelling "Mommy potty".  There is nothing cuter than your wrinkly butt penguin walking across the living room.  It makes me smile.  You are such a ham at this age, and you love to put on a show.  Whether you are dancing, singing, or spinning in circles you like all eyes to be on you.  I love that.  Maybe one day we will see your name in lights?  You love and are annoyed by your brother equally.  You two play so well together, are so compassionate to one another, and fight like cats and dogs at the same time.  He is special though sweet girl.  He will forever be your rock, and will be there one day when your dad and I will no longer be able to.  His relationship is one to forever cherish and hold close. You love to face time with Paw, and your eyes light up so big that they twinkle when you first see his face on the screen. I love that, and I am thankful for technology.  You stand your ground as I mentioned before, and often times you can be very bratty.  However, you look up with those big blue eyes and say "Love you", or run and snuggle me, and melt my heart once again.  It saddens me to discipline you, and it is so hard to when you pull out your tricks, but always know that I discipline because I love you.  You are getting braver and braver about being away from me, and you have been staying in the church nursery throughout services.  I am so proud of you for that.  You are such a little mama.  You love to play with babies.  It amazes me to watch the maternal instinct come out.  You are so sweet with your babies, and so loving. You will make a wonderful mother some day.  Your favorite animals are dogs and quack quacks as you call them.  You are still so tiny, like so so tiny.  It makes you growing up a little easier on my heart because you still look like my baby for now.  I love all 20 lbs of you!! I love that when you are scared or hurt you want me, and I love that I can fix that hurt within moments. I know that one day it will not be so easy to fix, and so I cherish and cling to the moments when mommy is the solution to the problem.  Oh how I wish I could protect you from every hurt and fear in the unpredictable world.  Your favorite show is Dora, you love peanut butter more than any other food, and you copy your brothers every move at this age.  You are stunningly gorgeous.  Every where we go people stop and tell me how beautiful you are. Your blue eyes, and blond curly locks are breathtaking.  It is my prayer that you will be just as beautiful inwardly and you are externally in life.  

Mckinlee, you seriously have my heart.  I pray daily for the girl you are growing into, and the woman that you will one day become.  I pray that God gives you the strength to stand up for what you believe in, the gentleness and compassion to always be there for others, the privilege of one day becoming a mother, and that God will forever be first and foremost in your life.  For now however, I will hold you, kiss your boo boo's, play with you, and tuck you in.  You are my baby today, and that I will never take for granted.  Lets slow down on the growing up okay?

I love you,
Mommy